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This Will Rot More than Your Teeth

The hospital's consulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.

'The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is terrible. Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of us realises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water. However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives.

Now, is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.'

Ad In The Paper

This is a very funny story about an old lady whose husband died and she want to put an ad in the paper about his funeral

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The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. A woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?"

"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.

"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."

"Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale.' "

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.

Guy 1: Yah..I'm originally from Dublin, Ireland
Guy 2: REally?! Me too!
Guy 1: I went to O'Malley Highschool.
Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?
Guy 1: 1988!
Guy 2: Same here!

A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew each other. The bar tender replied, " Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again."